“F**k the law, we won the bleedin’ war dontcha know?!”

Hagrid appeared on everyone’s social media today as he came out in defence of the ever-present clickbait queen, JK Rowling. Yes, Robbie Coltrane now felt compelled to weigh in on the matter of the existential crisis facing this generation’s attitude problem, “They wouldn’t have won the war, would they?”. Coltrane is 70 years old. Meaning he was born in 1950. 5 years after the end of the Second World War. Not so much “you’re a wizard, Harry”, but rather, “you’re a wanker, Robbie”. The sad thing is that Coltrane is not alone in his rose-tinted view that he, in some way unbeknownst to this generation, played a serious part in that war. This is a serious symptom of Brexiteer Britain. There is an inordinate level of self-harm that some British people are willing to administer on themselves in order to cause some of their European counterparts some degree of discomfort. 

However, when the EU had international law on their side of the argument, the Tories were stumped and reverted to type, blaming the EU. The ploy that has worked so well before. Point the finger, puff out the chest and if the lies are exposed then bluster, guffaw and claim that Brussels bureaucracy is still trying to keep its foot on the neck of the Great British Empire. Britannia will rise again like a phoenix. And who are the men that will lead the charge? Their war heroes, of course. A Churchillian Johnson, stay at home wife Rees-Mogg and brave Francois, who although never actually did any fighting, is still misty eyed about his own courageous exploits, “My father Reginald Francois was a D-Day veteran, he never submitted to bullying by any German, neither will his son”. Britain has never been stronger. This one nation Conservative Party will sail into the abyss under the watchful eye of Edward Smith’s protégé, Captain Cummings, with 365 Tory MP limpets clinging on for dear life on the underside. 

Before Brandon threw Boris under a big red bus in a limited and specific way. Probably should’ve held onto Julian Smith. Picture Source: New Statesman

Given that the UK has such a huge standing across the globe, it is only right and proper that they can break international law in a limited way. They won the bleedin’ war, after all. Poor old Brandon Lewis must have got an absolute bollocking for making the fatal mistake of telling the truth. 

So, what next? The papers drummed up nonstories about Tory backbench rebellions. The proof was in the pudding when it came to the vote, only two limpets broke rank. At a time that Kier Starmer has written about how amazing it would be for a little bit of bipartisanship to be demonstrated, it is likely that this latest charade will only serve to deeper the divisions that we have started to grow rather accustomed to.

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